I Hate Myself For Loving You
by Roxie567
Summary: "But no matter what. Every girlfriend he had, I've always want to be friends with, because if she was worthy enough to be with him, than she must be great. It sucks watching, but I'm always happy for him."


I Hate Myself For Loving You

"All I'm sayin' is you should more on." Caroline Forbes shruged her shoulders, saying to Bonnie who sat across the table. Bonnie took a deep breathe, this was such a hard topic. This was one thing she hated talking about, even the person she's talking to is her best friend. "I know that Caroline." Bonnie said with a biterness in her voice. At this moment, she hated and love and being in love and **him**_. _She knew that last one wasn't true, she could never hate him and she hated herself because of that.

She drank some of her beer, the fact is, alcohol does not help as desperately as she wish it does. "The fact is Caroline, I can't stay away. I physically can not stay away, I always go back to him. I go to him for stupidest reasons, I go to ask for help for things I can do on my own, I ask for an opinon and I listen carefully to every word he says. I smiles at him jokes and I find myself thinkin' I'm an idiot because to me he's so funny I laugh all the time. I wear my prettiest clothes for him even though I know better than anyone he won't notice." Bonnie said. Being in love can hurt like hell, when the person you love is in love with someone else. And Stefan Salvatore, the boy of her dreams, was fall in love with someone else. Sadly for her, that someone else wasn't a stranger. It was Bonnie's good friend Elena Gilbert. It killed her inside when she saw them together, it felt like punches in her stomach when he talked to her about Elena and he did because she was his **friend**. His good friend.

"He can make me the happiest I can be," smile appears on witch's face as her mind plays all the moments she decided are theirs.

_One time, she started daydreaming in History class and how could she not. His wonderful being was right there, next to her, patiently listen to a lesson. She wonderer how in hell could he listen to all this again, it was her first time hearin' it and she already found it boring. ''Miss Bennett?'' Mr. Saltzman voice suddenly made her realize there's a real world outside of her head. ''Huh?'' She looked around, figuring teacher asked her something while she was to busy dreaming about Stefan. ''1821, Mr. Saltzman.'' Stefan said. ''Mystic Falls were found in 1821.'' He explains. Mr. Saltzman goes on with his lesson, Bonnie mouth 'thank you' to a vampire and he smiles at her. _

His last name is Salvatore, that's a Latin for savior and he was a savior; he has saved Elena's life numberous times. He saved her. She was a savior too, she saved Damon, she saved Elena, she saved him. There would be so perfect together, sadly he doesn't see it.

_He was so drunk that night. She could not recognise him.''Come on, Salvatore. Let's go home.'' She came there just to take care of him. He wasn't hers, but she didn't mind. ''You're so good,'' Stefan whispeard to her as she took him outside ''such a good friend.'' He finished his sentence and it felt like a cruel joke universe was playing on her. ''I'm a vampire!'' Stefan then suddenly yelled at the top of his lungs. ''He's drunk.'' She quickly said to a confused middle-age couple passing by. ''What the hell Stefan?'' She got angy at him.''I'm tired of keeping a secret.'' His drunk voice suddenly got sad, Bonnie made him lean on her car. Stefan then looked in her eyes and he gently touched her cheek.''You're beutiful Bonnie. You look so good under the moonlight.'' He said._

Sometimes, when once again she couldn't get him out of her head, Bonnie figured she's addicted. She's addicted to him and she just can't stop, she can't even though she wants so much. She always felt drawn to him, always felt a strange pull towards him. It has been instant connection since the day she met him. His face found a permenent place inside her memory and his name found a permenent place in her heart the moment she got to know him a little better.

_''Care to dance, Miss Bennett?'' Stefan said charmingly and with a gorgeous smile on his face. Bonnie knew he came with Elena to this dance, she knew she was his partner, but she couldn't say no. Not to him, she was never able to say no to him. ''I'd be delighted, Mr. Salvatore.'' Bonnie smiled as she put her hand in his and it felt comfortoable, his strong hands felt so right to her. They danced to the music and she couldn't understand how could he not she was in love with him first?_

"And he can make the saddest I can be." Smile fades from her smile soon.

_Caroline's birthday was pretty hectic. Elena drank to much, Damon did a striptease and Tyler hooked up with a slutiest girl in school. In the aftermath, Bonnie and Stefan found themselves lying on a grass of Caroline's back yard.''Want about that guy?'' Stefan asked, holding a bottle in his left hand. ''What guy?'' Bonnie lie next to him, not caring what grass will do to her black dress.''That guy who looks like a nerd.'' Stefan explained. ''Ian? What about him?'' Bonnie looked up at the wonderful sky. ''Why don't you date Ian?'' Stefan asked, looking up at the same sky she did. ''Shut up Stefan and give me the bottle.'' Bonnie said as she sat back up, he gave her the bottle. What he did not know is that she got up to hide a tear rolling down her cheek. Alcohol always made her extra sensitive.''So you can be as I am with Elena.'' Stefan stated and Bonnie was positive it would hurt less if someone just tores her stomach out._

"But no matter what. Every girlfriend he had, I've always want to be friends with, because if she was worthy enough to be with him, than she must be great. It sucks watching, but I'm always happy for him." Bonnie said. Caroline saw just how hurt she was.

Just then, Stefan and Elena walked in.

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><p>AN: Your comments are welcome. I'd love to know what you think. Also, I'm aware my grammar sucks, I'm currently searching for a beta reader to help me out with that. If you're interested, PM me.

Lots of love.


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